‘Moet’ is not the same as ‘must’
As usual, I spent last Friday at the British Club in The Hague – a great place for anyone of any nationality who has an affinity with things British – where we had a discussion on what it is like to be an ex-pat in the Netherlands. A whole host of experiences were shared, from trying to learn Dutch to how to buy cucumbers! Possibly more about the cucumbers another time.
By Marilyn Hedges
Yes, Dutch directness obviously came up. That word ‘moet’ featured very strongly and gave rise to a ripple of ruffled recognition throughout the group. That directness comes in many forms. The use of ‘moet’ is one of them. ‘Must’ comes across to Brits and other non-Dutch as a strong imperative, with one sentence taking the biscuit as a source of annoyance and an affront to our precious dignity: ‘Moet je luisteren.’ Well, ‘moet’ in most of its uses has a similar effect, and in our mild English language communication ‘must’ is avoided unless it’s a dire emergency endangering life and limb. So what would we cautious non-Dutch say? It would probably go something like this: ‘Could you just have a think about…’, ‘Would you mind bearing that in mind’, ‘Might I ask you to consider…’
What a difference! No admonition, no inference that you had not been paying attention, no talking down to the other person. On the other hand, far less direct, more of a question and does the listener even have any idea of whether they’re actually expected to do anything or whether it’s a completely open choice. Tone of voice and facial expression could give a hint here.
Everyone is familiar with that list of what the English say, what the Dutch think they mean, and what the English actually mean. The expressions are, of course, an exaggeration and a source of much laughter on both sides of the language fence. But they are an indication of how language can be confusing.
When I want to ask a Dutch person something, I often find myself saying ‘Zou u…’, making use of that ultra-polite, conditional form of ‘zullen’, which I’m sure is an immediate giveaway that I’m not native Dutch. But what I also notice is that the response is almost invariably very polite, mainly positive and always very pleasant. Dutch directness seems then to melt away. As a variation on the ‘do as you would be done by’ motto, may I suggest ‘speak as you would be spoken to’?
About the author:
I am Brit who came to the Netherlands in 1986. Our first home was in Gouda, after which we spent three years in Stockholm. We returned in 2001 and now live in Marlot.